Sometimes Research is Daunting

This is a less academic/ nature-y/ literature-y post and more one that addresses the research process.  I thought I would write a brief check-in and give a bit of insight into what I've been doing lately.  Namely, some less-romantic-than-anticipated and stressful things. These things primarily include; dense critical reading, dense critical reading and a bit more dense critical reading. 

I've spent the last week grappling with a number of foundational texts in ecocriticism, the literary theory which explores (as Greg Garrard puts it), the "relationship between literature and the physical world." Whilst it has been very interesting and I would like to think that I am perhaps a bit cleverer now, it's also been quite daunting and complex. Of course, the impression that developing research is a breeze and that arguments just come strutting along into our heads fully formed is a total myth - and so I thought I would just spend a bit of time making this mythic status more known. 

I think it's quite easy to get impostor syndrome, especially approaching a topic you're unfamiliar with. I've never studied ecocriticism before and am but a feeble, soon-to-be second-year undergrad, and so I do sometimes have a "why did I think I could do this!?!?" internal monologue. This monologue particularly coincides with the writings of those such as Timothy Morton - but even supposedly entry-level foundation texts that suddenly find themselves talking about theories and concepts in recently-invented, specialised language have me scratching my head. I find myself having the google the meaning of a lot of words. It is a bit difficult and challenging! But! I am gradually ploughing on/ have ploughed on and I am learning/ have learnt... 

Going from the reading to conceptualizing stage is currently where I'm at. This is a task that feels equally as daunting as the last! My head feels full of lots of different idea threads - some of which aren't even really there but are more weird little wispy things - that I need to somehow pull together. I feel like I have taken on a bit too much and that there is a lot to juggle and pull together. Although I do have a prevailing stubbornness that it will, somehow, all come together it still feels a bit "aghhh!" at this moment in time. 

And so, this is a post for the record - the honest record! Also, it will be humbling when I've got a post-essay high. Of course, though: just because something is hard doesn't mean it isn't enjoyable...


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